Wellbeing: Why love should start from within this Valentine’s month

Give a warm welcome to our new columnist, Cambridge-based life coach Gemma Brown. In the month we celebrate Valentine’s Day, she reminds us that that love starts from within

Ah February - the month of romance, love and overpriced red roses. When I think of February, my initial thought is ‘Who in my life can I show love to?’, ‘Who should I be treating?’. And the commercialisation of St Valentine would prove I’m not alone in this.

And whilst it is nourishing to celebrate with those we love, when did you last think about the most important relationship in your life? The one you have with yourself. . .

Have you noticed how much time you spend pouring energy into making others happy and meeting others’ expectations and neglecting the person who needs love the most? You.

So why is it so hard?

Many of us haven’t grown up with self-love role models and therefore don’t know what self-compassion actually looks like. Being kind to yourself, recognising your strengths and talking to yourself like you would a friend are all ways to foster self-love. It may feel a little uncomfortable when you start out on this path, however learning to see yourself in a positive light not only helps improve your wellbeing, it develops self-confidence, builds resilience and overall contentment with life.

When committing to this practice, you’ll begin to notice glimmers trickle out into other areas of life; like setting stronger boundaries, being more authentic and tending to your own wellbeing. If you’re ready to cultivate self-love, try these three practices:

1. Write yourself a letter

Letter writing is a powerful tool for improving your self-worth. The private practice helps you acknowledge how far you’ve come and look back on experiences with gratitude. This month, take a moment for yourself and enjoy the time to write yourself a letter. You may choose to think back to a past situation, recognising your strengths and your achievements. Alternatively, you may like to thank yourself for all that you are and all that you are grateful for.

Don’t shy away from celebrating what makes you YOU or acknowledging your resilience through challenging times. This exercise might feel awkward at first, but stick with it. Seal the letter in an envelope, and on days when self-doubt creeps in, open it and read your words of encouragement. It’s a powerful reminder that you can be your own greatest cheerleader.

2. Take yourself on a date

Treat yourself by planning a date all for yourself. This can be one of the most empowering and joyful ways to practice self-love (with zero compromise in sight). It doesn’t have to be overly extravagant or expensive - it might be visiting a museum, taking yourself on a walk, stopping at your favourite coffee shop, or even watching the film you’ve been desperate to watch.

Make sure you set time aside for this date and treat it as seriously as you would a plan with someone else - marking it in your calendar. This isn’t just about the activity; it’s about showing yourself that you are worth your own time and attention.

3. Reframing negative self-talk

One of the biggest acts of self-love is to change the way you speak to yourself. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t say half the things I say to myself to my worst enemy. If you’re constantly berating yourself and telling yourself ‘I’m not good enough’, this will impact how you feel, and how you behave. These unhelpful words linger, weighing you down.

To reframe that negative self-talk, start by building awareness of it; noticing the times when it becomes particularly loud or harsh. Pause and consider ‘Is what I am saying to myself helping or hindering me?’. If it’s hindering, what kinder words could you use instead?

This February, I challenge you to focus on the person who will be by your side through every season of life: you. When you treat yourself with the kindness, care, and respect you deserve, you not only elevate your own life, but you also bring more love and authenticity into all of your relationships.

Gemma runs Gemma Brown Coaching, helping to empower people to show up to life as their true selves, personally and in the workplace. Visit gemmabrowncoaching.co.uk